If it’s nobody’s business, then why is it your Facebook status?
It’s not my fault that I set my Facebook status to something personal and retarded! An intergalactic race of space-worms infested my house, and took me hostage. After twenty minutes of aerating the soil in my potted plants they began to bore through my ear canals. They wriggled through to my brain and settled in my neocortex. They then fused their brain matter with my neurons in order to control my motor functions! They used this awesome power in order to *gasp* post stupid shit on my Facebook! It isn’t my fault!
Go choke, please. Everyone knows intergalactic space-worms can’t survive five minutes in Earth’s Nitrogen rich atmosphere. What kind of moron do you take me for?
Extraterrestrial annelids aside, it really baffles me how utterly retarded people can be when it comes to posting personal statuses on Facebook. It’s either not their fault, or not your business. I see this shit all the time, and each time I hope the person who posts it gets hit in their genitalia with a frozen crowbar so they can’t breed and fill the world with equally stupid children.
Now, it’s time to stop talking theoretics and start talking specifics. I’m sure we all have that friend (or many friends, since this is such common behavior) who will change their status to something retarded and personal. It could be anything, but it’s usually something relevant (to a 16 year old) and controversial (once again, to a 16 year old). Generally I see people post something self-empowering, often in reference to an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. Something that boosts their ego, and belittles the aforementioned ex. Then, some third party person not in the situation will reply to the status with a response that doesn’t praise OP’s glory (I’m not defining OP. You should know it). Instead of devising an opinionated response, the reply usually says something along these lines.
GET OFF MY FB! THIS DOESN’T CONCERN YOU!!! WRYYYYY YOUR* SUCH A LOSER GET A LIFE!!!!!!11!!!!11ONE!!!!1!!!!
*They also rarely know when to use the correct form of your/you’re.
However, if someone praises OP by saying “Yeah girl, you don’t need a maaan!!” or something to that effect, usually OP’s response will be something like.
Awww thanks giiiiiiirl! <insert unnecessary hearts and smiley faces> Its time to enjoy being single (code for “a whore”)!!!
What? Could it be that the poster is just out to get attention? No, that can’t be right! After all, 16 year old kids are known for their maturity and ability to control their cravings for attention. Get real. If you didn’t want attention and it actually was “nobody’s business” you wouldn’t have posted it in the first place. It really is that simple. If I were to go downtown in a predominantly black neighborhood wearing a minority-hate shirt and I spouted vile racist things, I would get shot, stabbed and raped in that order. It wouldn’t fly with fictional Milwaukee north-sider “Darnell Johnson” if I told him “This is nobody’s business but my own! Shut up and go away!” The situations aren’t exactly the same, but the message is. If you’re offended by me calling you an attention whoring little kid, then you have two options. One, change your behavior to something I find to be more tolerable than week old horse semen. Or two, suck it up and stop caring about what people think of you. But don’t act like you really don’t want people to take sides on your issues, because that’s exactly what you want them to do. You want people to side with you, and pity you. Because the second they don’t, then the matter suddenly becomes private and only of your concern.
There’s a cool little invention called a pen, and another nifty thing called paper. Over the past few millennia we humans have created language and an alphabet, which can be used to visualize language. Using the power of words, a pen and paper, you have the ability to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal of some sort. This way, you aren’t expecting attention or for people to take sides because it actually is nobody’s business but yours! Once you post something on Facebook it becomes a public matter, so stop telling people that your problems are none of their business. To be fair, the problem I listed earlier isn’t something I could see anybody caring about in the first place. But I’m not here to tell people how to spend their time more than to show them how their actions are perceived.
Facebook is not your private journal. If you don’t want people to reply to your stupid shit and call you a retard, maybe you should think before you mash enter and post yet another shit stain.
The world isn’t your problem. You, are your problem.