I spend a lot of time on Craigslist trying to make a quick buck off of shit I have but never use. Coincidentally, I spend about an equal amount of time perusing Craigslist and buying shit that eventually ends up laying around my house. It’s a vicious circle (cycle). The majority of the time I spend on Craigslist is in the cars+trucks and motorcycles sections. Over the years I’ve seen people post some decent things in profoundly stupid ways, often using words and techniques to lure in potential customers which actually make less-than-no sense. I’ve seen silly spelling errors, repugnant wording and frankly retarded phrasing. I’d like to share some of my findings.
Has a 5-speed manuel transmission.
The target word is “manual” yet it is mistaken with the Spanish and Portuguese name “Manuel”. However, Manuel is more prominently known as the name bestowed upon many Mexican males. A manual transmission, is where the driver operates the gears at which the car shifts between in order to achieve greater acceleration at given speeds. As a reference point, an automatic transmission is where the car does it (wait for it) automatically. Now, a Manuel transmission is a very cost effective way to operate a car’s gearbox as long as there is a steady introduction of tacos, fajitas, burritos, or quesadillas into the engine compartment. With a Mexican-American sandwich to munch on, the Manuel transmission will happily operate a lever which changes gear at the appropriate time. I whipped up a quick sketch for you.
As you can see, the Mexican man operates the transmission from inside the engine compartment. His work ethic allows for unrivaled reliability, even in cold weather.
Will go as low as
I’m asking for $5,500 but will go as low as $5,000.
The stupidity of this wording is pretty obvious after a quick glance. Why would I pay $5,500 when you’ve just admitted that you’ll go as low as $5,000? You’re supposed to set that limit in your head, dipshit. When someone makes an offer under that limit, you tell them to come up a little. Are you expecting me to say, “You seem like a nice guy so I’m gonna put aside the fact that I’m looking for a good deal and pay you MORE than the minimum you’ll accept.” Try again, Captain Dumbfuck.
ENTIRE AD IS IN CAPS
I’M SELLING A 1998 TOYOTA COROLLA. GREAT RELIABILITY AND EXCEPTIONAL GAS MILEAGE. HAS A 1.4L I4 ENGINE etc.
When I’m looking to buy something I usually don’t like to be screamed at and/or verbally assaulted. This is why I hang up on telemarketers and have never bought from Billy Mays. Caps Lock implies screaming and/or verbal assault, the two techniques Billy Mays employs. You’re not Mr. Mays. It (kind of) worked for him, but doesn’t work too well for anyone else. Capital and lower case letters exist for a reason. Use them.
RICK PEPPERJACK IS THE SEXIEST MOTHERFUCKER ON EARTH.
Rick PepperJack is the sexiest motherfucker on Earth.
While both statements have the same level of truth, which one is easier and more pleasant to read? Hint: If you chose the first one, you’re an idiot.
Numerous spelling errors
Selin a 1993 Biuck Centruy!! got a 3.8leeter Vsix ayngun.
Nothing screams low class, impoverished, illiterate asshole than being unable to spell easy words. Words you should know, especially when it’s literally on the object you’re trying to sell. A simple glance at the side of a 1993 Buick Century yields the word “Century” as well as the word “Buick” if you glance at the rear. If I have to dissect an entire ad to be able to find out what exactly I’m looking at, whoever posted it clearly doesn’t want me to buy it. I doubt you would feel comfortable buying from someone who has a tenuous grasp of the English language and alphabet, so don’t be that person.
No offers? INCREASE THE PRICE!
<Use in a sentence not available.>
So, you’ve just posted an ad for a car but don’t have a very good idea of what it’s worth. The car you’re trying to sell is a 1964 Ford Falcon, which doesn’t have information in the Kelley Blue Book. It’s condition is in a gray area where it runs well and is fine as it is, but requires restoration for it to be anything head-turning. Engine mileage is low, there is no external rust and some light work has been done. $4,500 is a fair price to start at to feel out the market. After two weeks, you have not received any offers. A logical person would assume that the price is too steep for someone looking for that car. Either that, or someone willing to pay $4,500 for it hasn’t stumbled upon the ad. Both of these situations do no warrant jacking the price to $5,000. I’ve seen the same car show up at an inflated price many many times. This is one of the stupidest techniques I’ve ever seen before. People like me who look on Craigslist daily remember certain cars and to a somewhat lesser extent, the price of said cars. It’s bad enough thinking that what you have is worth a million dollars, but it’s worse to have the audacity to think that people aren’t biting because they aren’t being asked to pay enough! Get real. Before you post something you have no knowledge of, do a little research. Fifteen minutes can go a long way and save a lot of time and effort. If you neglect this step or can’t find enough information, by all means throw your ad out there and sniff out the market. But don’t act like people aren’t willing to rip you off, because they are. Nobody will tell you if you’re asking less than it’s worth, but they certainly will tell you that you’re asking too much. Don’t be an idiot.
The sad part is that this I’ve seen all of this so many times that I have certain instances cemented in my mind. Such raw stupidity has managed to burn itself into my head. People can tell when you act like a dumbshit, and it only hurts you.